hello.
It has been a pretty rough week for me. There has been a lot of things going on in my head - dreams that became burdensome, small tasks feeling like chores, more workload but less excitement and the shock of certain events. quite a bit to digest for seven days.

the fact of my direction of studies never fails to intimidate me and make me feel like a fool. i still feel like a fool for pursuing bible studies! i zone out during classes and play restaurant city to keep me awake. my reports are still pretty much a struggle (i don't know how to write my ideas down because all of them are in pictures!) i think my lecturer kinda knows that i am sian-ing. have this gut feeling she is annoyed. oops.

work is piling up like usual. but i am getting a little bored with it though. because the church is not a design firm, the pastors are still pretty reserved about certain styles and for each project the brief always starts with 'generic' which frustrates me like crap! i end up doing something that is very toned down and doze off as i am working on it. very funny. i can be clicking and 3 seconds later find myself waking up. very bad.

then there is that sequence of events that makes all of us unsettled and quiet-crazy in our hearts.

not that i am making a big scene over every obstacle with life but i guess these things just made me a little troubled on the inside this week. it was not a kind that made you burst into tears or tear your hair, but like a small draining feeling - like a mosquito biting you, where the bug sucks you out but you don't feel a thing. when it is done, it flies away and there is this mark. you still don't feel anything but it is starting to itch. things only get more annoying when you acknowledge it and scratch it. then finally, lick your thumb to apply some saliva on it to 'cure it' (haha ahma's healing remedy)

ok ok ok so what i am trying to say is. the issues are still there la. but i didn't feel better when i prayed about it yesterday. i don't know if feel is the right word cause there was no dramatic turn of emotion. just a small serenity. the problems are still the same, but they don't matter so much? i guess praying reminded me that God is still alive even when things around you is sian/crap/urgh.

--

I guess You're the only one

that nobody changes

I guess You're the only one

left standing when everything else goes down

You're still the only one.